There are so many other ways to enjoy being together.
, a biweekly column by sex therapist Vanessa Marin answering your most confidential questions to help you achieve a healthy, joyful sex life. Here, she answers a question about a partner who doesn’t orgasm from penetrative vaginal intercourse.
There are a number of different possible causes. Sometimes it’s just pure preference, which you can probably relate to yourself. For example, maybe you get a lot more pleasure out of oral sex than out of manual stimulation, or maybe you prefer using a toy to. The fact is that different bodies just like different things, and that may well be the case for your partner. He may prefer you stimulating him in a different way, or he may like getting himself off instead.
If you’ve never been with a partner who didn’t orgasm during intercourse, this situation may feel confusing to you. It sounds like the real heart of your question is wanting to ensure that you’re pleasuring your partner. I think your best bet is to turn to the expert — him! What does he say he likes? What other feedback has he given you? Has he already told you that he feels satisfied with your sex life? Maybe this just isn’t an issue for him.
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