If you’ve been talking about the same ADHD-related marriage problems for many years, it may be time to take a different approach and create a work-around. Here's how.
When it comes to having good fights with your partner, it’s important to understand that more than half of your battles are unresolvable. They result from deep differences in opinion or approach. A common non-ADHD/ADHD difference, for example, has to do with what constitutes “adequately organized” — whether it relates to planning events, putting a household in order, or raising children.
typically have a higher tolerance for spontaneity and disorganization, perhaps because they’ve had so much more experience with it.for many years, it may be time to take a different approach and create a work-around. The reality is that there are two of you, and compromise is often necessary. Compromise does not mean give up or lower your standards. It means accepting that you are different and figuring out how to move forward with your lives while accommodating those differences.
Now Steve gets into bed a couple of nights a week at the same time as Nancie, and they almost daily spend some time together in the mornings when they awaken. This gives them “together” time, which is what Nancie wanted, while respecting Steve’s desires, too. Nancie has learned to enjoy her quiet reading time on the nights when Steve stays up later, so she has turned a negative into a positive.
Knowing what is non-negotiable can help you solve specific problems you face. For example, couples ask us with surprising frequency what to do when an ADHD partner can’t remember to put medications away in a household that includes young children.
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