‘I feel as if I’m taking away from my son to give to boys that I don’t have a relationship with.’
I’ve been married for five years, I have one 25-year-old son from a previous relationship, and my husband has four adult children from his first marriage, ages 22 to 28. We both came into the relationship with different assets, but I’d say equal in value for the most part. My income is approximately $30,000 to $40,000 more per year annually.
“‘I try to be there for his kids, but there is no real bond. Often, there are no replies to phone calls/texts, invites to dinner, family trips etc.’” Perhaps I will feel differently down the road, as my son becomes older or after several more years of marriage. Am I the evil stepmother? Was I single for too long, and do I have to singular focus? I regret not talking about this before we got married, but I believed that this would be the fair and right way to handle things.Torn Mother and StepmotherYes, it would have been better to have this conversation earlier, but it’s good that you are talking to your husband about it now.
“You had a long life and career before your husband. There’s no reason to split that spoils of all that hard work five ways.” Consult an estate lawyer as to how much of your estate you can actually leave to your son, keeping in mind all the above. It’s time to start talking about trusts, wills and beneficiaries. There are all sorts of ways you can leave your son money. You may also have bank accounts that were set up before your marriage, and are treated as separate rather than marital property.
Check out the Moneyist private Facebook group, where we look for answers to life’s thorniest money issues. Readers write in to me with all sorts of dilemmas. Post your questions, tell me what you want to know more about, or weigh in on the latest Moneyist columns.• My married sister is helping herself to our parents’ most treasured possessions. How do I stop her from plundering their home?
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