I am her mom. How could I forget her?
It hurts, because I don’t want to forget even the tiniest little moment we had together. And it hurts because, though I will myself to remember, ITo think of her may bring a pain that feels unspeakable in the worst of times, but I’d rather live a million lifetimes with this grief than to not have known her at all. As her mother, she is worth that to me.
Our time together was so brief, but it was also so magical too. There isn’t much that I have left of her, but these memories are the few things I’ve always had to hold tight to.My great grandmother became a bereaved parent when her three-year-old daughter died. At 95-years-old, my great grandma still carried that loss with her. And when I think about this, I see a future-me somewhere inside of the bereaved memory of her.
Until that foreseeable, far-off time comes, I’m choosing forgiveness for myself day after day. As much as I fight with myself about it, I can’t stop life from happening. And even though my daughter can’t join me, it doesn’t mean that I love her any less for being a part of it. I’m not a bad mother for having only a limited amount of memories that I’m able to retain at once…. I’m just human.
A day may come where my memory completely fades. But in the deepest part of my being, somewhere ingrained inside of me, is a place where my daughter stays.
Norge Siste Nytt, Norge Overskrifter
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