Dear Amy: I have a niece, “Jane,” whom I love and feel very connected to. I’ve been very supportive – practically, emotionally, and financially.
Around five years ago, Jane reached out to me with an emergency need for several thousand dollars. I didn’t hesitate to give it to her, and she was extremely grateful.
Over the years I’ve given her smaller sums , when I’ve had the sense that she was financially on the edge – the pandemic really interrupted her progress.For a variety of reasons, I’ve decided not to continue to do this. First of all, I know she can make it on her own. I also recognize that she is making choices that keep her lifestyle where it is. I know that if she wanted to live in a higher income bracket, she is perfectly capable of getting herself there.
Well, just as I’d decided this, she asked for financial help for the down payment on a house. I fully support home ownership for her and know she can handle it, responsibly.Dear Aunt: If you choose to do this, you might set it up as a long-term loan, to be repaid if she sells the house. Get the terms in writing.Once you’ve loaned someone money, it changes the dynamic.
Dear Amy: “Not a Therapist” described an awkward relationship with a woman who only contacted her when she was in some kind of emergency. She didn’t feel close enough to suggest that this person see a therapist, and you seemed to agree. I beg to differ. A relatively uninvolved person is in a great position to recommend professional help!(You can email Amy Dickinson at
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