'Enjoying BTS’ artistry and personalities for the past three years has been a key part of escaping—and confronting—my own sadness' BTS BTSARMY
It was nearly 4 a.m. and I found myself in a panic. Two days earlier, my grandpa had passed away. He had always been my best friend and biggest cheerleader, and losing him had sent me over the edge. Self-harm has never been a mechanism I’ve used to deal with my depression, but for some reason that night the urge was terrifyingly strong. I needed a distraction. Quick.
I’ve known something was wrong since I was a kid I knew I was unwell by the age of 11, when locking myself in my room out of sadness became a daily routine. I had a hard time socializing—it felt like a performance, and something as simple as holding a conversation would leave me feeling totally burnt out. I regularly asked myself, “why can’t I be happy?” and “what’s wrong with me?” Kids would bully me for not being able to play properly or for my habit of pulling out my eyebrow due to anxiety.
How I discovered K-Pop The more I tried to perform happiness, the more I felt overwhelmed with pain. By the next year, my mom admitted she noticed signs that things felt off, despite my best efforts to hide what was going on with me. She took me to seek help and months before graduating, I was officially diagnosed with clinical depression.
K-Pop isn’t very open about mental health—but BTS is K-Pop isn’t the most inviting industry when it comes to open discussion of anything that could be construed as “controversial.” If you’re unfamiliar with how the industry works, celebrities, otherwise known as idols, are pretty much expected to show no negative human emotion . BTS, however, has never shied away from conversations about mental health. They know, and can relate, to dark thoughts, anxiety and depression.
During their recent comeback show in South Korea, Jungkook explained the meaning behind the song, saying, “When you want to escape from the reality, you open the door in your mind, there will be Magic Shop & 7 of us in there.” If you’re not part of the BTS fan community, it might not seem like a lot, but for those of us who are, that song could save a life. It’s another reminder that their fans’ well-being is genuinely important to all seven members.
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