.newyorkerhumor presents the hottest new cosmetic procedures.
But with peanut butter and jelly instead of hyaluronic acid.You know when you lie upside down and put glasses on your chin, and it looks like a little person? Basically, that for your elbows—but it requires a seven-hour operation.Get your torso replaced with a better, longer one, so you look like the reflection in a convex mirror.Make Your Entire Nose a Face:Get a skin pouch affixed to your midsection, like a kangaroo, so you can keep your oysters in there.
A series of complicated laser sessions that make you very small and adorable, and give you an oversized orange nose.Gilded Belly Button:Save ten per cent on heat.News flash—people are looking.Get your eyes replaced with screens that play classic cinema on a loop; charge everyone around you for admission.Have yourself replaced by a house and watch your value skyrocket on Zillow.Through rigorous ketamine-cocaine sessions with the celebrity psychologist Dr.
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