Daily News | Dear Abby | Six years on, widow can’t let go of her husband
I have a dear friend whose husband passed away six years ago. They had a 45-year marriage with plenty of ups and downs. She’s 81 and in excellent health. You would think she was 60 if you met her. She is very youthful and full of energy.
The problem is, when I’m with her she constantly talks about her late husband as if he’s still with us: “Oh, Joe would love this,” “Joe always said …,” “Joe would say …,” etc. During one luncheon, she mentioned him 20 times as if he were sitting with us! In retrospect, her marriage now seems to have become the greatest love story ever told, and Joe has risen to sainthood. It’s unnerving.
Is this healthy behavior? It seems excessive to me. On the anniversary of his death, she says she’s “going to stay home and be with Joe,” which translates to her being at home, alone, becoming depressed and crying. I hear how sad and emotionally drained she is afterward. I am at a loss about what to do, if anything. I offer a sympathetic ear, but should I say anything to her, and if so, what? She has a grief counselor, and I’m wondering if he’s really helping her move forward.
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