Daniel H. Pink’s new book analyzes the regrets of more than 16,000 people from 105 countries. Pink spoke to Washingtonian about his own biggest regrets, the reasons so many Americans are quitting their jobs, and more.
Daniel H. Pink is a Washington rarity. After spending time working in Bill Clinton’s administration, including as a speechwriter for former Vice President Al Gore, Pink stayed in DC but left politics behind. Instead, beginning with the best-selling 2001 book, he mined social-science research for lessons on how people can build more productive, meaningful careers.
Washington is one of the most affluent, highly educated areas in the US. You uncovered some revealing data suggesting it might also be particularly rife with people harboring professional regrets. Can you explain why? Free-agent nation, baby! In that book, I may have been, as they say in Washington, ahead of the voters.The lesson is that people want to be able to do something interesting and big and psychologically rich. That’s who we are. All of us have an innate sense of our mortality, and we don’t want to squander it. We don’t want to throw away our shot.
So we want people to accept and embrace regret as part of the human condition. But do institutions and companies also have a responsibility to help people avoid regret? In the book, I say that deriving meaning from regret requires people to demonstrate “self-compassion.” There’s also a strong argument that regret helps us show compassion and kindness to others. When I reflect on my own life, a lot of my regrets are about kindness. I think about being in school and times where there was a kid left out, or a kid who was maybe a little bit different, and I didn’t do a damn thing. I wasn’t cruel.
Because you can’t minimize every single regret. To me, the surprising lesson—and one I didn’t go looking for when I started this research—is that regret reveals what makes life worth living. There are some things in life that we really, really care deeply about. Everything else is kind of commentary. So we shouldn’t waste our time trying to minimize regrets about this, that, or the other thing. We should focus on minimizing our regrets about the things that really matter.
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