On Rina Sawayama's Dynasty Tour, our editor learned a lesson in forgiveness.
I was born on Mother’s Day. It was a cruel twist of fate, being that it was the beginning of the end of my relationship with my mother. Whatever higher power existed up above expelled me a bit too early so as to save me the grief, and as soon as I was born, I was trapped inside the incubator. The glass walls separated the two of us. We could see each other, but that motherly touch came too late.
Normally, young women look to their mothers as their first glimpse of female strength. The years I spent yearning for her love and approval made me hesitant to give any other woman the coveted spot of “idol.” Instead, I invested that energy into the tragic male heroes I loved so deeply, like the Kurt Cobains and Anthony Kiedises. This internalized hatred of myself and anyone who looked like me or my mother engulfed me, drowning me in guilt.
On Mother’s Day, 24 years after I was born, I head to Brooklyn Steel with my head low. I’ve gotten better at dodging the sappy social media posts, but I forced myself out of the safety of my home to attend the first of Sawayama’s final three tour dates in New York. I initially purchased the tickets to celebrate my 22nd birthday, but the pandemic had other plans. If there was one thing that would get me out of bed, it would be Rina Sawayama.
The rest of the night was a blur as I came face to face with Sawayama in the photo pit, her intense eyes staring back at me with each camera click. As she powered through the opening song “Dynasty” off her incredible 2020 debut, hearing hundreds of people singing, “I’m a dynasty / The pain in my vein is hereditary,” snapped me back into reality. WeThere was a low, intense electricity that ran through the venue that night.
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