‘My parents had saved and put together an estate of about $7 million by the time my dad retired 10 years ago.’
Dear Quentin, My sister and I are in our early 30s. She still has trouble understanding that other family members’ money is not her money. We come from a solidly upper-middle-class family. My parents had saved and put together an estate of about $7 million by the time my dad retired 10 years ago.
My parents got divorced five years ago. The judge gave them a 60/40 split in the divorce, with 60% going to my dad. He became my sister’s primary target. She and her husband lived rent-free in my dad’s house, raged at him after he said no to their demands, and told him he was a bad father for not paying their credit-card debt.
You are both engaged in a pattern of behavior. She won’t stop. The question is, will you? As much as this annoys you, I can imagine that the outrage and/or annoyance you must feel is familiar to you now, and gins up a lot of conversations with your husband-to-be and friends of the “you won’t believe what she’s done this time” variety. It’s a thorn in your side, but we can become addicted to those thorns, as much as we hate to admit it.
You don’t have to answer every call or email. Silence is a powerful tool. You can’t control her reaction or feelings. That’s not your job. Your only concern is to express your needs. Tell your parents how you choose to handle it, and they can choose to do the same, or not. That’s their choice. For every person who has difficulty laying a boundary with a pushy person, there were 50 people who did so before. It can persist for years, even a lifetime.