Why children often find it necessary to break away from narcissistic parents physically, emotionally, or both
Parental acceptance is a manifestation of warmth, affection, care, comfort, concern, nurturance, support, and love . On the other hand, parental rejection is distinguished by controlling behaviors, disapproval, and strict discipline. Narcissistic parents may be incapable of creating or upholding a positive, growth-oriented environment for children. “I was never comforted as a child when I was sad or hurt. I was left to cry alone or told to shut up," Jenny recalls.
Even children who grow into narcissistic teens and adults often do so with the intent of trying to please their parent. Sadly, such parents can never be pleased. The child will forever search for love, visibility, and recognition . Says Jenny, “My parents are not proud of anything I’ve accomplished…and I feel like I’ve made it far. I’m taking college classes, have my own car and own apartment, and my puppy. I’m doing everything on my own, but nothing I do makes them proud.
Birthdays, holidays, and any positive event must focus around the narcissist, even if the celebration is for someone else. Adam, 18, grew up with a grandiose narcissistic single mother and recalls how his school achievements were heralded as proof of what a great mother she was, even though she did not help with studying or projects. “She took credit for every high grade I achieved, and it was all about her at parent-teacher conferences," he says.
Anastasia is a married mother of three energetic and happy boys. Her maternal grandmother was a narcissist and she, too, would always insist on all events andbeing focused on her. Because of this, Anastasia has “very negative feelings toward holidays” because her mother would be more concerned with the grandmother’s demands than her children’s needs.
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