Author and poet UrvashiBahuguna remembers the guardian and friend of her childhood, sharing a perspective missing from obituaries on his public self. WendellRodricks
You probably know him as a famous designer, as one of a handful of publicly out gay men in India. Tributes and obituaries have poured in over the last few days, but most of them have been about his contribution to fashion, about the unfinished work of opening the Moda Goa Museum of Design in Colvale, Goa that his partner of thirty-seven years, Jerome Marrel, will bring to completion now.
He became, overnight it seemed, my mother’s best friend over a common love of design, Indian textiles, Goan architectural heritage. There is no word for what he was to me and my sister, no word for someone you spend that much time with in your formative years. He was part friend, part guardian. In the otherwise ordinary days of our childhood, he was a constant.At our birthday parties, he would organize the games.
He knew every bird call, and he recognized every speck flying high overhead when he took us out on his boat in the backwaters of the Mandovi river. I have only met one other person who isn’t a birder that can pick bird calls apart that expertly. What he knew, what he was able to recall went far beyond the average person’s ability. He grew and bottled his own pepper which he gave us in jars labeled Colvale Pepper in his own handwriting.
I received the call from my mother from an awful patch of signal in Goa. I couldn’t make out who she was saying had died for several seconds. Since I learnt that he passed away, this is what has played on my mind hour after hour – I want to reach him, wherever he is, to say: you need to know that I loved you, that I know that you loved me.
Norge Siste Nytt, Norge Overskrifter
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