DearPrudie: Being called a “Karen” given my past is getting old.
In my early twenties, I was raped. By a man who happened to be Black. I don’t think he did it because he was Black. He did it because he was “a somebody” where we were and I was a nobody, and I don’t honestly think he thought of it as rape. I was very drunk and he took advantage, as most of the men in the place in which I worked at that time would do.
Although you feel you were able to use the experience to improve yourself, it was still traumatizing. This should go without saying, but the fact that you’re white and your assailant was Black doesn’t mean it wasn’t bad or you don’t have a right to continue to be upset about it. There’s no statute of limitations when it comes to talking about what you survived to friends, family and most important, a therapist.
which is designed for white people who believe in racial justice is one idea. On the section of the website that covers the organization’s values, it says:Calling people in is how we want to be with one another as white people. That means: Recognizing we all mess up, and speaking from this shared experience. Being specific and direct. Talking to people in times and places that support conversation and learning.
It sounds like this community could be a place where you can receive some guidance from those who are ready to hear your unfiltered thoughts and eager to discuss them with you and gently help you reframe the way you think. So let’s think about your relationship with your daughter-in-law apart from your rape. You are allowed to ask her not to call you names like “Karen” or minimize the distress you experience with terms like “white tears.” You can make this request not because a Black man raped you, but because you two are family, and family members sometimes have to provide guidance when it comes to how they want to be treated and spoken to.
Norge Siste Nytt, Norge Overskrifter
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