'What I really needed was help that made a genuine difference to our now-upside-down-and-inside-out daily lives.'
I’m sitting on the sofa, cradling my daughter’s doll, while she and my husband hover at my sides, arms outstretched.Five minutes later and our 10-second video is a wrap. I add a caption and some music, andIt seems that I’m not the only mom out there who has sat to one side, sweating and leaking milk, while somebody else “helped” by holding my newborn.The thing is, though, holding my baby amid the rawness of postpartum was the only thing I didn’t need help with.
. And the thriving is dyadic. Just as a mother’s body regulates a baby’s physiological systems ― from the nervous system to heart rate and temperature ― so too does close proximity with her baby regulate a new mom’s physiology.Research into the changes that take place inside a mother’s postpartum brain goes some way in explaining the reasoning behind this maternal regulation.
When I had my first baby, I had plenty of offers of “help.“ Friends all but lined up to come over, sit on my sofa, and hold her sweet newness in their arms. But while I sat to one side, still bleeding and in total shock after a traumatic birth, I couldn’t help but wonder who or how this supposed help was actually helping.
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