Karen Whitehouse and Helen McLaughlin married on a boat in Amsterdam. Then someone did the dirty. Now their podcast, “Who shat on the floor at my wedding?,” is a global smash.
—where Whitehouse, 37, worked as a marketing producer and McLaughlin, 48, was employed in cybersecurity—and everything seemed to be going smoothly until around 9pm, when Whitehouse says she found a poo resembling a “comedy joke shop turd” in the women’s bathroom. The discovery occurred after she delivered her reception speech, and it soon struck Whitehouse that the dung was too far away from the toilet bowl to have been an innocent miss. This had to be intentional, she thought.
The suspects ranged from obvious red herrings—like Whitehouse’s own mother—to prime suspect Henk, who curiously camped out in the women’s bathroom for five hours, ordering other people to bring him food there. Some of the accused parties got almostinto it: One created a fake identity for the purposes of throwing them off the scent, while others would send them anonymous letters pretending to have critical information.
Seeing the title of their show next to alt-right provocateur Joe Rogan on the podcast charts was unexpected and surreal, and the grassroots success led to even more attention—including a profile in the Amsterdam newspaper and doing the rounds of the A.M. chat show circuit. “It’d be a really serious news segment, talking about some very serious murder or crime, and then we’re like, ‘How are they going to segue to a shit on the floor?’” Whitehouse said.
To properly interrogate their loved ones, they purchase the same lie-detector test that was used in a Jennifer Lopez movie—a device that, as the co-hosts disclaim, is only rated at two stars on Google. They collect more information from suspects via SurveyMonkey questionnaires and even consult forensic experts to help them examine the contents of the fecal matter in question.
Among the more memorable submissions, Whitehouse recalls, was a story about a “shit on a plate with a silver lid on the top, like it was being delivered for room service” discovered at a bachelor party. Another fan wrote in asking them to investigate the chapstick inexplicably found inside her feminine orifice.
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