Laura Jane Williams realised that the love she needed was all around her
in the conventional sense, I do still want love. I still want tiny gestures of intimacy and comfort and fondness and caring. To be known. Seen. Heard. It’s just that I want it outside of a couple. None of the top search results accounted for that.that, ‘Having nobody to go home to at night had always seemed a sad and lonesome fate; now I saw that being forced to leave the house for human contact encourages a person to live more fully in the world.
I suppose what I mean is kindness. Often, when we talk about kindness we talk about how important it is to give it. But love is the receiving of kindness. There’s two parts to the energy exchange. ‘Giving is virtuous, but so is accepting gifts gratefully’ said Doe Zantamata. The thing is, of course, that accepting kindness can feel so much more vulnerable than giving it.
Being vulnerable enough to receive a loving acts terrifies us. Trauma makes us shun kindness. We can feel weak for accepting gestures of kindness, or undeserving. And that in itself is unkind, because the person extending the offer gets cut off at the knees. Think of the last time you gave a compliment and it was meant with, ‘Oh? This? It’s just H&M. Nothing special.
When our receiving capacity is jammed, we can’t be emotionally healthy. Do all the face yoga and injectables you want, but sunbeams will never shine from our faces without good thoughts, to bastardise whatsaid. For good thoughts, love has to flow freely, in both directions. We must give it, and we must humbly accept it. My friend Lucy actually says the words, “Thank you, I receive that” when she hears a kind word. It makes you want to give her more, because you know it is landing.
In the formula for 'how to find love', we so often don’t talk about receiving it. But saying thank you and accepting another’s kindness is human. It is what connects us. The energy runs both ways. I challenge you today not to give an act of kindness, but to humbly receive one, too. It feels good. It feels like love.Like this article? Sign up to our newsletter to get more articles like this delivered straight to your inbox.
Norge Siste Nytt, Norge Overskrifter
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