Turning to others for approval and validation won't make us happy. Here's what to do instead.
Adults with a history of people-pleasing behavior are more vulnerable to being manipulated in narcissistic relationships.Many who identify as being stuck in a pattern of seeking external validation also struggle with depression and fears of abandonment.
Behind the scenes, what is being taught is a toxic combination of intermittent positive and negative reinforcement; the child learns that they receive praise for making others happy, so the bar is raised in continuing to please others. On the flip-side, if they are seen as imperfect and scolded or shown indifference, the child tries harder to please, which can negatively reinforce this type ofAs children, we turn to our caregivers to validate our sense of direction and self-advocacy.
. Yet when a child’s reality is denied or dismissed, it can result in that child growing up feeling unsure of who they are, unable to advocate for themselves, and completely dependent on others for a sense of validation.can be internalized as negative self-beliefs that wind up limiting our ability to trust in ourselves. The result is that we develop a mindset that to be “perfect” we need to turn to others for approval and validation.
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