It's incredibly frustrating when your ex is a 'Disneyland Dad'. CaitlinCrawshaw discovers how to build boundaries and communicate better.
It's incredibly frustrating when your ex is a"Disneyland Dad". Here's how to build boundaries and communicate better.Every two weeks, Naomi Cooper* sends her six-year-old daughter to her ex-husband’s house for the weekend, knowing her days will be packed with over-the-top excursions, new toys and late nights. Inevitably, her daughter returns home tired and grumpy, and complains that her mom doesn’t give her the same treats as Dad. “I’m always the bad guy,” Cooper says, sighing.
. Hill, who is more introverted, reminded herself that she didn’t want to do most of that stuff anyway. “I don’t make every day an adventure,” she laughs. “Here’s the adventure: It’s lunch!”After each monthly visit, Hill’s daughter needed a couple of days to get back into her usual routine and shake off the sass—with some help from her mom.
But regardless of a co-parent’s motivations, the grunt-work parent must manage their feelings and resist taking the bait. “You can’t compete with a parent who has more,” says Hill. “And, emotionally, you don’t need to compete with the other parent, because your child will always love both of you.” Another possible side effect is even more subtle or indirect. Megan Vandersluys, a registered clinical counsellor in Nanaimo, BC, notes that Disneyland parenting often stems from a parent’s guilt. Indulging a child may function as a kind of misguided apology, whether this is the intent or not.
For “un-fun” parents, Disneyland parenting can be downright aggravating, but a little bit of compassion can go a long way, says Carol Futerman, a registered psychotherapist and counsellor with Family Service Toronto. Consider the possibility that your ex-spouse is unknowingly acting out of guilt over the divorce, fear of loss, or some other emotional baggage.
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