The best way to navigate conflict with a significant other, according to experts.
One thing that’s immediately obvious to anyone who knows me is that I would rather step on several Legos than engage in conflict of any kind, for any reason. I don’t like confrontation, I don’t like tense conversations, and on more than one occasion, I’ve tried to convince my therapist that I might just be the first person alive who can exist in a conflict-less state forever.
It’s Never Just About The Toothbrush Example time! Let’s say you’re in a fight about something minor with your partner — chances are, there’s actually something deeper going on. “You think you’re fighting about the toothbrush or the dishwasher, but those issues are rooted in deeper content, like power, love, and needs,” Cook says. “Part of what’s useful when you’re teaching conflict resolution is to look underneath.
When handling conflict, balance truly is key. “The work is to come back to the center. How do you find a way to do both, to be you with your partner being them?” asks Cook. “Through these differences, we might find connection and trust rather than stress and conflict and disconnection. Conflict in and of itself isn’t the problem. It’s the story we tell about the conflict.” Karen Koenig, a psychotherapist, M.
Raise your hand if you’ve ever experienced this — real talk, my hand is way up in the air. “If I start believing that’s what it means, and I start responding from that story, if I get reactive, we have just miscommunicated,” says Cook. “He tried to give me a message about his energy level, and I responded to a message about his desire for me.
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