When my father doesn't answer the phone, I don't think anything of it. He's 75 years old and doesn't always want to talk. I didn't know at the time how much was about to change.
I don't let this concern on my face show. Instead, I say,"Hi, dad." and immediately give him a kiss and hug. He doesn't really react. He doesn't smile. Or look surprised. He's not totally himself.
My father didn't do or say any of that stuff. He had a short temper. Often said"no." And was a rasin of emotions. Dry. Inaccessible. In high school, when I brought home all As he would say,"But you didn't do the dishes." I was a good kid, and everybody saw that I was. Except for him. For him, nothing was ever enough. And his never enoughness made me feel small. All the time."Happy Valentine's Day, Dad.
But my father's on a"no" kick. Let's have breakfast? No. Let's take a walk? No. Put on clean clothes? No. No. No. No. I storm out of the hospital and jump on the highway. The airport is just a 30-minute ride through the cold Valentine's Day snow.
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