In an excerpt from her new memoir, 'Black American Refugee,' Tiffanie Drayton writes about how systemic racism bled into her own pregnancy.
Every time a victim returns to their abuser, the abuse escalates. Eventually, it can become fatal. I first began to be haunted by thoughts of my death in my early 20s. Such thoughts were fleeting then, appearing briefly and then vanishing like a spirit. They were conjured by the images of lynched black bodies or fears that I had some undiagnosed medical condition.
In 2017, African American mothers were 2.3 times more likely than non-Hispanic white mothers to receive late or no prenatal care. “Nope, I don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl,” I proudly rehearsed in my head, anticipating what interested mommies-to-be would ask. I lowered my eyes in an attempt to hide the judgments brewing internally. Mom always warned me that I struggled immensely with concealing my opinions, even when I didn’t mutter a single word, so I avoided her gaze to avoid giving myself away. I took note of each of these women’s struggles and tried to relieve my own circumstances of such burdens in my mind: 1. I worked from home and would never struggle between making appointments and making a living and 2.
And just like that, the appointment was finished. The nurse scheduled me to meet with the head nurse in four weeks and I would not be scheduled to see the doctor for another six weeks. She did an ultrasound that very same day of my first appointment and printed pictures for me of the tiny life growing in my belly. I peered at the black-and-white image trying to decipher the baby's head, hands and mouth but really just saw a black shadow sprinkled with white specks.
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