'I developed an eating disorder, and from that day forward, my relationship with exercise changed.'
— but the underlying issues were still there and felt more painful than ever without ballet to distract me. I still had diagnoses of PTSD, depression, and anxiety, so I continued to meet with a therapist and psychiatrist. Much to my disappointment, my weight gain didn't solve all my physical health problems; I was exhausted despite getting enough sleep and frequently had migraines.
Therapists and doctors seemed wary of suggesting exercise and, somewhere along the way, I'd lost my passion for it.When I moved to New York City after graduation, it became painfully obvious to me that I was one of the few people who wasn't exercising regularly. Some of my friends and colleagues were training for half-marathons, and the ones that weren't went to the gym at least a few times a week. After years of being the"active" one among my peers, the tables had turned.
or anxiety can be incredibly tricky. I'm sure it's different for everyone, but for me the game changer has been finding physical activities that I genuinely enjoy — and because I'm having fun, my mind is less likely to wander to calories. When I'm unplugged from technology and hiking in some of the most beautiful mountains in the country, I feel peaceful, and I can honestly say that my weight is the furthest thing from my mind.
Exercise has become such an important part of maintaining my mental health that it actually motivates me to eat well and keep my weight in a healthy range — after all, I don't want one of my strongest, healthiest coping mechanisms to be taken away. I used to cope with my depression and anxiety by restricting calories; now, I go for a hike or head to the climbing wall. It took a long time to get here, but I can finally say the latter option is infinitely superior.
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