This is what happens when a one-upper comes to the table.
Is he about to tell you that the way he makes his sandwich is better? Then he's guilty of ICE.The scene: It’s an hour into a dinner party you’re hosting for “friends.” Most of your guests are on their second round of adult beverages and are tucking into the main course — sumptuous grilled shrimp paired with grits, the latter of which you made yourself according to an old family recipe.
In his landmark 1899 study of wealth and consumerism, “The Theory of the Leisure Class,” Thorstein Veblen argued that invidious comparison is a key way in which members of the wealthy and/or moneyed class actively set out to distinguish themselves from those of lower socioeconomic status. He specifically posited invidious comparison as “a process of valuation of persons in respect of worth,” which plays out often by accumulating and displaying or publicizing superior assets.
As an adult, I have seen the ICE man cometh to many gatherings, and I am not alone. Upon reaching out to family, friends and even strangers on the internet, I received anecdotes ranging from the humorous to the downright painful.Kerry Crisley, aand communications professional, found herself on the receiving end of ICE behavior while having family dinner with an in-law. “I served shepherd’s pie and she asked me for the recipe. It was flattering and made me feel like a good host,” she said.
adamant that ICE is clearly bad behavior. “In general, etiquette is all about being mindful of other people’s feelings. And when thinking about the definition of ‘invidious,’ Merriam-Webster uses words and phrases like ‘unpleasant,’ ‘objectionable nature’ and ‘to cause animosity.’ These are not concepts that are very compatible with being polite, so certainly etiquette would frown upon any behavior described as ‘invidious,’” he said.
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