Why finding a love that will last is often more complicated and nuanced than we want to admit
At first sight, the decisive choice when experiencing love is of great initial value, but since it is based on minimal information, the choice may likely be wrong. Moreover, not all people fall in love at first sight. Using a grocery list is based on many arbitrary characteristics that lack a significant order of priority. Consequently, the choice is not a strong one, and people feel hesitant.
An optimal choice should combine a strong decision that takes into account complexity and uncertainty. An optimal selection should focus on a small number of significant positive and negative traits to which we give great weight. Significant positive traits such as kindness,, and sensitivity are “deal-makers,” promoting enduring romantic thriving and stability.
An optimal choice of romantic partner should combine the above selection methods. First and foremost, we should allocate a considerable weight to deal-maker and deal-breaker properties. Then, we should give importance to our initial attraction and give even less consideration to our grocery list’s various, arbitrary properties.
This kind of choice combines the determination we want to see in love with the uncertainty and hesitation characterizing the complex, ambivalent romantic environment. Determination is expressed in the great emphasis on a few essential qualities that we want to be present or absent in our spouse and the weight of attraction. Uncertainty and hesitation are demonstrated because there are many other qualities whose value depends on personal traits and external circumstances.
Romantic life is certainly not a fairy tale; some even say that there is no happy love. However, without realizing the complex ambivalence of the romantic environment, our romantic choices are likely to be problematic and painful.Ben-Ze'ev, A., & Goussinsky, R. .Greene, R. . The art of seductionSchneider, I. K., Novin, S., Harreveld, F., & Genschow, O. . Benefits of being ambivalent: The relationship between trait ambivalence and attribution biases.
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