‘Madame Web’ Review: Dakota Johnson Leads a Depressingly Inert Spider-Man Spinoff

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‘Madame Web’ Review: Dakota Johnson Leads a Depressingly Inert Spider-Man Spinoff
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The actress stars alongside Sydney Sweeney, Adam Scott, Isabela Merced and Celeste O'Connor in this Marvel offering about a clairvoyant paramedic.

There’s something so demoralizing about lambasting another underwhelming Marvel offering. What is there left to really say about the disappointments and ocean-floor-level expectations created by the mining of this intellectual property? Every year, studio executives dig up minor characters, dress them in a fog of hype and leave moviegoers to debate, defend or discard the finished product.

Early scenes lightly sketch Cassie’s life in New York. She grew up in foster care and keeps a suitcase of her mother’s photos, letters and old journals underneath her bed. She hardly makes plans, preferring to stay home with her cat. Johnson initially seems like a fine match for the role. Cassie has a droll sense of humor, and many of her lines land thanks to Johnson’s deadpan delivery.

As Cassie adjusts to the new terms of her life, Ezekiel hunts for three teenage girls in the city. Julia Cornwall and Mattie Franklin don’t have anything in common until Cassie starts seeing visions of their death. Cassie doesn’t know why Ezekiel is after them, but she knows she must save them. The reluctant socializer becomes a den mother to three girls, who all realize they have been emotionally abandoned by people in their lives.

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