BOSTON—Noting the major improvements in his mood, taste, and overall outlook, friends and family members of local man Joseph Bennington told reporters Tuesday that he was honestly much better off for having turned his life over to the internet’s algorithms. “He’s always in a great mood from looking at funny videos,…
BOSTON—Noting the major improvements in his mood, taste, and overall outlook, friends and family members of local man Joseph Bennington told reporters Tuesday that he was honestly much better off for having turned his life over to the internet’s algorithms. “He’s always in a great mood from looking at funny videos,
and those sweaters that Amazon suggested he buy are a huge upgrade on his old work outfits,” said close friend Andy Wilcolm, explaining that Bennington’s life had improved precipitously over the past year as he exchanged free will for the automated decisions handed to him by algorithms at TikTok, YouTube, Netflix, Facebook, Spotify, Google, and other major services. “He also has a constant
influx of pornography, tailored exactly to his taste, which means he doesn’t really have to go out and date. That had just been making him sad. But even if he did want to date, the algorithms at Tinder and Hinge would have him covered.” Sources close to the man added that they had also seen a marked improvement in his social life after the algorithms helped him find community with the Proud Boys, 8_Chan, and the Ku Klux Klan.
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