Miss Manners: Do I give my relative honest feedback on their self-published memoir?

Advice from Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin.

: A family member has self-published a memoir of their life as an e-book. Although we are not close and live in different cities, we do enjoy chatting and catching up by phone from time to time.

Do I mention it when next we speak? If asked directly, is it acceptable to offer vague pleasantries or a fib? I have no wish to be unkind, as taking the trouble to write and publish this book clearly meant a great deal to my relative.Then say something nice. Your relative is not inviting literary criticism, just a kind word.

Miss Manners, I am confused. Isn’t the correct response to someone asking if you mind something to say “No,” as in “No, I don’t mind”? Saying “Yes” is like saying “Yes, I do mind, so please don’t.”Was this English class? If so, you should bring the matter up, as it would provoke an interesting discussion about assumptions made in regard to the missing words.

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