Advice from Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin.
Miss Manners: Our neighbor has a devastating illness. How can we support her and her husband while respecting their privacy?Our neighbor of 25+ years has been given a very short time to live; the cancer came on suddenly and unexpectedly. She and her husband have been delightful dinner guests, as well as good neighbors, for years. They are good company, and our children grew up together.However, this is taking its toll on her husband.
Might you be able to suggest how we can support our friends -- offer a respite from cooking and tempt their appetites -- while supporting their desire to be alone? We’re dissolving in a puddle of helplessness here.You do not have to assume that the wife is oblivious to all concerns but her own. Try to speak with her alone -- or, failing that, address a note only to her.
I was stunned into silence, basically. I had no idea what to do or say, or why he had said that to me, but I was definitely feeling plenty on the inside.
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