'This is the third time in recent years that he’s lost money betting on options and crypto.'
Photo-Illustration: by The Cut; Photos: Getty Images During the pandemic, I came home to the U.S. from living abroad to move in with my boyfriend of three years. I love every minute with him; he’s intelligent, comfortable to be with, has a great sense of humor, and is unconditionally supportive of me. I’d happily be stuck on a desert island with him for all eternity.
How he spends his money would not be my concern except that I do eventually want to have a family, ideally with him. But because of his business tanking and his unsuccessful gambling , I am afraid that a life with him would leave me with all our bills. When he’s not trading online, he’s playing internet chess. I’ve tried talking with him about his trading and how I see it as an addiction, but he continues to be obsessed with it.
If your boyfriend has a gambling disorder , then he will need professional help. Defined by the DSM-5 as a “persistent and recurrent problematic gambling behavior leading to clinically significant impairment or distress,” gambling disorders afflict an estimated 20 million Americans. Many people dismiss it as a compulsion driven by poor self-control, but in reality it’s a brutal illness that requires treatment, usually with medication and therapy.
Again, I don’t mean to sound dire. But if he can’t be trusted with his own money, then you certainly shouldn’t trust him with access to yours now or in the future. When the time comes for this conversation, be curious and open. Ask about how his business and his trading make him feel without passing judgment. “Make it clear that you are available for him to talk about these things,” says Dr. Cherry. “Part one is to offer your support and kindness, and part two is to explain how his behavior is making you feel — and from there to suggest that he get some professional help.
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