'Even with roommates who are lovely and independent and really don’t care what I’m up to, exercising in my room feels unacceptable'
Photo-Illustration: by Stevie Remsberg; source images Getty A few weeks ago, for once in my life, I was supposed to be thinking about food, but my brain drifted to the subject of fitness. I was rereading M.F.K. Fisher’s How to Cook a Wolf and focused on her characterization of the human alone. When “living with himself, a man can do things that in front of other people might seem ugly, or undignified, if he needs to in order to live at all.
Meanwhile, I am hunkered in front of a laptop or a phone screen, replaying an Instagram video about jumping onto a desk chair and landing in a squat. If I sense an eavesdropper, I treat it like porn. Or categorically more embarrassing than porn! Porn indicates I’ve at least heard about sex. At least porn was subversive once. Doing “fit things” in my room remains my greatest indignity.
Maybe it’s because working out in my room alone usually only happens when something has gone wrong. I arrived the forbidden six minutes late to a cardio class and was turned away and slouched home. Or my schedule is fucked and I’ve skipped working out for two weeks, so I’m jittery and restless and weird and at 9 p.m., and I remember that I could do something about that.
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