DARIEN, CT—Admitting that his affection for their gauche and boorish ways had surprised even himself, prominent socialite J. Thomas Donelan III confirmed Wednesday that he was falling for the nation’s unrefined but beautiful lower classes.
Brushing aside doubts from his friends and business associates, Donelan said he began by trying to make poorer Americans’ appearances “a little more pleasing to the eye.” On trips to bespoke tailors and high-end boutiques, he had their wardrobes of football jerseys, calf-length mesh shorts, Crocs, and stretch pants replaced with trunks full of designer garments and top-of-the-line accessories.
According to sources, the multibillionaire coached the nation’s bottom third of earners on their diction, and ultimately hoped to elevate their conversational skills to the point where they would no longer routinely use the phrase “cray cray” or quote lines from“Getting 70 million people to stop wiping their hands on their pants was an enormous test of patience,” said Donelan, recalling how difficult it was to instill even the most basic fundamentals of dining etiquette among those American...
“But eventually, I discovered that aside from their orange cheese flavoring–coated fingers, there was really something quite endearing about them,” he continued. “That’s when it occurred to me that if poor people could learn to appreciate my culture and culinary preferences, then perhaps I could enjoy their Kid Rock albums and hot wings.”Much to his amazement, Donelan said, he discovered he had an affinity for some of their favorite pastimes.
“I’ve been doing more cooking with the microwave lately, and I’ve come to appreciate—even enjoy—eating a warmed-over meal on a sofa in front of this so-called ‘,’” Donelan said. “I guess you could say my newfound love for the lower classes has helped me to learn something about myself.”“Namely, that I can feel a deep affection for those less fortunate than myself,” he added. “As long as they don’t ask for any handouts, stay politically unrepresented, and take mandatory drug tests.
Norge Siste Nytt, Norge Overskrifter
Similar News:Du kan også lese nyheter som ligner på denne som vi har samlet inn fra andre nyhetskilder.
Socialites and collectors hit Parrish Art Museum partiesGuests were able to see an exhibit of work by Jasper Johns and “Set It Off,” a collection of artists curated by Racquel Chevremont and artist Mickalene Thomas.
Les mer »
The 10 Best Attractions at Disneyland ParisDisneyland Paris, the most beautiful Disneyland park, is currently celebrating its 30th anniversary. Here are the 10 attractions you can't miss if you ever visit.
Les mer »
7 shows to binge-watch after bedtime this summerDrama, romance, unattainably beautiful backdrops—these series are perfect summer watches.
Les mer »
Jaime Xie on Her Favorite Paris Couture Week Shows and ‘Bling Empire’ Season 3The socialite-turned-reality television personality spoke to WWD about her favorite couture shows and what’s next for the hit Netflix series.
Les mer »
4th-grade class in Alameda publishes 'Anti-Bias ABC's' about inclusion, acceptanceA 4th-grade class in Alameda publishes 'Anti-Bias ABC's,' a book about inclusion and acceptance.
Les mer »
Wayne Rooney: Five Things to Know - WashingtonianDC United's new manager will bring world-class level attention to the struggling soccer team.
Les mer »