My six months investigating exactly what happened when I died.
I didn’t realize it at first. I began to learn what happened when, out of the depths of nowhere, a voice asked if I knew where I was. I struggled to produce my monosyllabic answer: “The voice responded: “You’re in the ICU. You had a heart attack during your hockey game last night. A player on the other team saved your life.”
This patient is unbelievably ill and has an extremely high risk of imminent life-threatening deterioration in multiple organ systems, some of which are, in fact, showing actual signs of overt failure.”“ST-elevation myocardial infarction involving the left anterior descending artery.” A STEMI is the kind of heart attack you don’t want. Sometimes they’re called “massive heart attacks.”I was in shock, my liver was tanking, I couldn’t breathe. The doctors homed in on my “nonverbal” state.
The doctors said my heart would be seriously, discernibly damaged. Best case, I’d need a defibrillator implanted. The darkness came back. Two more stents were inserted into my recalcitrant artery. A doctor said they would test my heart before deciding what came next, perhaps more procedures. Something feels deeply wrong. I’m dissociated from the almost-me who, in most of the multiverse, doesn’t survive. I can’t be this winger with the broken heart. I force myself to suspend my sense of disbelief and imagine it’s me, if only in a movie.
Derek, the second man in the movie and a former EMT, came to talk to me. “I hope they told you how rare it is for someone to survive what you did. You’re a unicorn,” he said. “We brought you back both times. You were purple. You were gone. I’m really surprised to see you.” I tried, awkwardly, to thank him.Playing hockey was the only sense of community I felt these days. I don’t have close friends and find it hard to make new ones.
Norge Siste Nytt, Norge Overskrifter
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