“I wanted my friend to know that she wasn’t alone in her experience and that it would get better. So, I did what came naturally: I started talking about my past heartbreaks. This is where I made my mistake…”with mistersteed1
. I wanted her to know that she wasn’t alone in her experience and that it would get better. So, I did what came naturally: I started talking about my past heartbreaks. This is where I made my mistake.I talked myself into a spiral of my own emotionally charged memories. I intended to share my friend’s pain and assure her that she’ll be okay; instead, it appeared like I was hijacking her story and feelings. I rambled on about someone she didn’t know or care about. I made it about me, not her.
It’s not that I was emotionally disconnected or wasn’t listening. I was just sharing my perspective . My actions effectively said that her fresh pain wasn’t a big deal compared to my past pain. She got frustrated, and I felt confused and anxious, as to how I had messed up this deep and intimate moment.
So, I did what I do best: I started power-digging my way out of it, nice and defensively, steadily making everything worse. Because now I’m telling more stories! I’m playing devil’s advocate and rationalizing her ex’s actions while also saying he’s an awful person!I have to remember that neurotypical thoughts and feelings aren’t always as fleeting or intense as they are for people with. Neurotypicals don’t see time like us either — it’s not always “now” to them.
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