Who Won (and Lost) the Democratic Debate in South Carolina

An honest transcript of the evening would be 50-percent comprised of “[inaudible crosstalk]” or “[much shouting]”

Biden ain’t dead yet, and he’s not going to die. Photo: Win McNamee/Getty Images The final seven contenders for the Democratic nomination gathered in South Carolina Tuesday night for what might’ve been the worst debate I’ve seen in my life .

1) Joe Biden Uncle Joe’s showing was less than flawless. As per usual, every sentence he spoke emerged from his mouth as an old, rickety, jerry-rigged locomotive that perpetually threatened to teeter off the tracks of English syntax and burst apart into jingle-jangle nonsense. But on this occasion, Biden mostly kept his little archaic engine on course. Sure, at one point he claimed that “150 million people” had been shot to death on U.S. soil since 2007.

But as the primary’s commanding frontrunner, Sanders’s chief objective Tuesday night was to exit with only mild bruising and limited blood loss. And he met that goal. The sheer messiness of the proceedings — combined with the way Bloomberg’s presence compelled Bernie’s rivals to expend limited time and ammunition on the billionaire interloper — allowed the Vermont senator to escape without suffering any viral humiliation or headline-worthy blow.

4) Elizabeth Warren The Massachusetts senator gave another fine performance. Her filleting of Bloomberg was once again masterful. If all else were equal, her showing would rank at the top of this list. But we live in an age of inequality. And given the hole that Warren has dug for herself, she didn’t need a fine performance Tuesday night; she required a blockbuster one. Warren has yet to finish as high as second in a single primary. She’s poised to finish in fourth in South Carolina.

7) Michael Bloomberg Bloomberg has spent more than half-a-billion dollars on his campaign and yet didn’t manage to buy himself a single joke strong enough to earn mere crickets instead of cringes. The former mayor’s advisers felt compelled to provide him a self-deprecating acknowledgement of his widely-panned debut.

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