OpEd: 'I have all of this love during the rest of the year, so I don’t feel the need to trouble the temporary interactions I have from November-January.'
) by our own community. This isn’t lost on me, and it shouldn’t be lost on anyone when we’re talking about outness.
Because of the risks that can come with being out, some of us don’t feel the need to share that piece of us with folks we only see once a year. I’m out to the circles that see me regularly — friends, coworkers, and new people that meet me in the city I live in — and they all accept me with open arms. I have all of this love during the rest of the year, so I don’t feel the need to trouble the temporary interactions I have from November-January.
While many of us don’t come out to certain people to avoid discrimination, we then can face backlash for that choice.on those in the community who come out only to select people to avoid danger, queerphobia, and vitriol. It impacts how people who aren’t totally out date and immerse themselves in queer spaces. It took me at least two years to say out loud that I am queer because I knew that I would be shunned by some as soon as I said it.
I want my grandmother's love as is; I won't put a condition on that right now. I’m going to her house with a patchy beard, deep voice, and want to eat her award-winning chocolate cake. If she asks about these changes, I will tell her and feel no ways about it. Otherwise, it is my life to live and my choice to disclose when I want to. Since I have my own life in another city, I can always leave. That is a privilege in and of itself.
I won’t excuse bigotry, but I have relinquished myself from the expectation of outness. My transness is good, and safe, and all mine to share. This holiday season, be nicer to each other and check your expectations at the door. The queer and trans people in your life will thank you for it.
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