'I was defending a guy who mailed poop to his ex-girlfriend and wanted me to argue that the poop was expressive speech.'
"A guy came to me wanting to file for divorce. He said ever since his wife started her new job, he is no longer waited on hand and foot. He also said that she should know her place. I drafted the paperwork with everything he demanded to keep. Basically, he wanted all of their assets and to pay absolutely no alimony or child support. In exchange, she could keep one vehicle, full custody of their three teenage children, and their apartment. The apartment was a three bed and 1.5 bath.
I was really confused; then, when he finally calmed down, he said that he did not want to divorce his wife but that he just wanted to put her in her place again by reminding her that she was nothing without his money. We then called his wife in order to cancel the divorce proceedings , and she says no.
"I was pretty new to the practice and was meeting with a lot of clients. The firm I worked for had a lot of walk-ins, and I was processing the potential clients. I called in the next person, who was a woman in her mid-30s. She walked in carrying a red and white cooler. She pops it down on my desk and spends the next five minutes trying to sit down in the chair. My first thought was, 'must've been some kind of personal injury.
It turns out she had vaginal reconstruction, and the mesh came out in one big blob. Now, this is not my area of expertise. I am a corporate attorney. So I sent her to someone with more experience.""A woman called saying that she had a product liability suit involving animal crackers she gave to her daughter. I was thinking it was going to be something to do with food poisoning and kept listening.
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