'The life I had before I quit drinking was a lot like Groundhog Day; I was always waiting for it to begin and always reliving the same stuff, day after day, year after year.'
This year, I celebrated five years sober. It’s been over six years since I first started seriously questioning my relationship with alcohol and considered a life without it. That’s six hard, beautiful, glorious years during which I not only stopped drinking, but also finally moved on from all recreational drugs as well as a history of bulimia.; I was always waiting for it to begin and always reliving the same stuff, day after day, year after year.
So if all of your friends drink alongside you, then there’s no issue, right? Well, there’s a concept in psychology known as “,” and it means that we often look for evidence to support something that we already believe to be true. For instance, if you’ve convinced yourself that you don’t actually have a crappy relationship with drinking, you may constantly be trying to find reasons that support the argument that you don’t actually have a problematic drinking habit .
Thankfully, there have only been a few times when someone at the table hasn’t pointed it out on my behalf and adjusted accordingly. However, when it has happened, I have to speak up to point out that I didn’t drink and I’m not subsidizing their drinking. If you’re like me, this can feel entirely terrifying. I have always hated the feeling that I’m putting people out or being difficult.
In the early days, I felt that it was my responsibility to answer the question, “How come you aren’t drinking?” I didn’t understand I could decline to answer or that I didn’t have to make sense to everyone. My answer changed over time. For a period it was, “I’m an alcoholic,” and that tended to silence anyone . These days, unless I’m feeling generous, I simply say, “I don’t drink,” and leave it at that.
The only way to navigate your new sex life is to make sure that you are with someone who will be gentle and respectful of you and where you are at, whether that’s a significant other who is up to speed on the status of your recovery process or a new partner that you feel comfortable with and trust. It may also be helpful to
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