BROCKTON, MA—Saying the plot was jumping all over the place and had become extremely hard to follow, onlookers confirmed this afternoon that 7-year-old Brendan Milner has been unable to maintain a single cohesive storyline while playing with his action figures.
According to eyewitnesses, the story ultimately became impossible to follow, with a particularly jarring chain of incidents that involved the setting rapidly switching from outer space to beneath the ocean to a mummy’s tomb, all in a matter of seconds.
“Hurry, the bad guys are getting away,” said Milner, flying a Lego Batcopter with one hand while making the Godzilla action figure flip across a couch cushion in pursuit of an entirely unknown adversary whose offenses were never specified. “We captured you. Now you’re in jail.
Those familiar with the situation also expressed their frustration at Milner’s heavy reliance on bringing dead characters back to life in order to move the plot along, specifically mentioning one gratuitous instance when a number of wooden blocks fell on a Spider-Man toy and killed him, only for the superhero to reappear two minutes later saying, “Follow me.
“Not only was the narrative underdeveloped, but the actions never set into motion corresponding consequences,” said Martin Elliott, a professor of creative writing at Princeton University, adding that the 7-year-old relied heavily on the “mentally lazy” plot deviceby frequently having a Transformers robot action figure or Happy Meal Minions toy show up from out of the blue to save the day.
All onlookers agreed, however, that the ending of his storyline, in which a giant 7-year-old boy came down from the sky and destroyed the Earth, was an excellent twist.
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