'I’ve gone through a lot of stages since they broke the news more than a year ago, but that feeling of not knowing where I was physically or who to talk to has, for the most part, stayed.' –JoshuaRush
On November 19th, 2018, my parents sat me on the couch in Salt Lake City—the town where I had shot “divorceVoices trembling as they read from a printed note, my parents sat across the coffee table from me, trading paragraphs describing the process: How they had gotten to the place of deciding they would divorce, where they would each live, and what my future with my parents would look like. It came completely out of left field for me.
about it, and my entire family has yet to have one of those sit-down conversations that I came to characterize our unit with. Maybe that’s fitting. Rather than talking out loud, my letter described my boundaries: I don’t want to see it, I don’t want to hear it, and I don’t want to be involved in it .
I’ve gone through a lot of stages since they broke the news more than a year ago, but that feeling of not knowing where I was physically or who to talk to has, for the most part, stayed. And despite the time that has passed, there still isn’t an ending to it as far as I can see. Their divorce has changed me more than I’d like to admit, from my personal demeanor, to the way I’ve pushed away friends; and how I turned to social media as a form of solace and of an escape, to how I treat other people around me. I’ve kept it a secret from the public, something I’ve not really ever done before.
This part of my life feels different. The divorce has somehow been a shameful thing for me, and my parents have been co-conspirators in that shame—they haven’t seemed keen on me announcing it via Twitter thread. I’ve felt unwilling and uninterested in discussing it publicly, only allowing close family and friends to know. I suspect it’s become an open secret among my extended family.
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