My first pregnancy was so traumatic, I thought I'd never do it again 🙅♀️
later seemed to confirm it: My body wasn’t made for this. I donated all my maternity clothes, gave away baby gear and clothing as soon my twins outgrew them, and my husband and I put that part of our lives behind us. It was highly unlikely that I’d be able to get pregnant again without some kind of medical intervention, and after enduring so much stress and heartache surrounding pregnancy, neither one of us was anxious to go through it all again.
It wasn’t the baby—I was confident that my husband and I would be able to handle a baby. We’d had twins, and this was only one. Also, we’d been fostering babies and toddlers for several years at this point—we could feed, swaddle and soothe with the best of them. There was nothing scary about a new baby, but there was something very scary about another pregnancy.
I finally asked my midwife for an ultrasound to check the length of my cervix. I was so nervous. I knew I wasn’t going to hear anything that day—the technician told me that if there were any concerns, they would send my midwife an urgent page and she would be in touch. Every time my phone rang over the next day, I felt my stomach drop into my toes.
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